Wednesday, July 25, 2007

To My Friends...

I fail

I know the moment
when you discover my secret
That I am not enough
it cuts me
as it does you

I see my weakness
of time and forbearance and lifting wing
I know my lack better than you
I've lived with it time and time again
I see its shadow
casting o're your face, and his and his, and her's and her's...
how I wasn't there
how I turned away
toward some other need
be it mine or my closest ones
or some little thing like watered flowers and email tolls

I grieve
I will never be enough
I will never match up to the need
even in my small line of held hands
My choices are tick and time
Selfish and small

How great the gap
How little strength we are given for it
The ignored phone call
The closed face
I want to be all you thought me to be
But that person is vacant
strained and bleeding and bare

Need weighs like a mill-stone
Where is the Lord?
The Great I AM?
The Beginning and the End?
Where is the still, small voice?
The Prince of Peace?

I have failed so many
I have failed so many
Hear my lament
I have failed so many opportunities that You have given me
Forgive me
The need is so great

Come quickly
Oh, Knight in righteous armor
Oh, Glorious One, clothed in glory
Oh, Redeemer and Healer and Breath of Life
Come quickly

Come and rescue your Bride

Then I see a shadow
it's a Cross
His body slain upon it
nailed by the grasping and panting and wanting
He knew it all upon his frail frame
He took it all away
Up . . .Up . . . unto the right hand of the Father
How He bore it I cannot know
But He did
He bought us and carried us and knew us
He lived each of our lives and then brought them to an ending
an eternal beginning with His father
so that we might bask with Him
In that Light

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