As I dive into the marketing process for Snow Angel, sometimes I pause . . . am I just trying to sell God to people?
I turn on Christian radio and Christian TV and I feel . . . harassed.
I walk out to the mailbox to get my mail and there is something from this person and that, all Christians, all with great messages, but always asking for some investment in their ministry. Buy this CD, buy this book, buy this teaching tape, sign up for my newsletter, look at my catalog, BUY THIS... BUY THIS . . . BUY THIS . . . and CHANGE YOUR LIFE . . . you will be okay if you will only BUY THIS!
Then I think of Mother Theresa - a life spilled out. I heard a story about her. There was this missionary group of young people from the states visiting Calcutta. They ministered to the poor. They visited the sick. They hoped to see Mother Theresa. But they didn't. And then, on the way home in the airport they suddenly, inexplicably ran into her. "Oh, Mother Theresa. We wanted to meet you! We've been here ministering to the poor and sick. We're so happy to meet you!"
She nodded and smiled at them, her face wreathed in wrinkles.
Then they asked, "Tell us! What can we do to help you in your work?"
They waited breathlessly for her answer, knowing that she would say something to spur them on for the years to come.
"Stay." She said simply.
I imagine that she saw the look of shock on their young, American faces and then smiled a small smile and turned away. I can see her turning back and waving at them, saying goodbye. She'd seen that face many, many times before and it was no surprise.
I can't imagine that I would have stayed....
Then I think of JESUS . . . he said something similair. "Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." (Mark 8:34-35, NIV)
I cringe and grieve and wrestle with it all.
I have to face it.
God may care less if I reach multitudes through my books then I hand out water to the few in my circle to give water to - my family, my friends and neighbors and even strangers that he puts in my path. I know God gave me this gift of writing to impact a world, but what if I neglect MY world. I am so weak and grasping for answers sometimes. There's so much to read and hear and do . . .
I need You. I need You. Fill me Lord. I need You.
This is the best prayer I have for today.
Maybe tomorrow I will be more eloquent, more true to Your word and filled with faith.
But today is just an ordinary day of lack and need.