A Love Letter to my son, Jordan

I love your laugh
and when glee fills your eyes
When you were little, I loved your messy finger-painted hands as you created art that I thought was brilliant at 2 and then 3 and 5 and 7. I loved your messy sweet-potato face and then the spaghetti dinners where you plastered your high chair and your face with tomato sauce.

I love your questioning mind that makes me think and realize how much I don't know . . .
how much I need God to raise such a mind - your mind IS amazing.

I loved your growing up years where I was able to homeschool you - those moments where we both had epiphanies and I thought with a deep, indrawn breath, "Oh, Lord. What plans do have for this one?" You blew me away over and over and over again, until I didn't know how to fill the enormous potential that God has given you. You are so gifted. Never take it for granted.

I loved how you rose to the challenge when I placed you in "private, Christian" school. I loved even more, how you rose up even higher when you were placed in public school and the "real world." Your life has been God's perfect map for you. Don't doubt it. He has a plan for all your experiences . . . for His glory and your eternal life and glory.

I love it when you are strong, and you always seem strong, but those small moments when you are weak, when you are broken, I LOVE YOU.
I love you when you doubt or when you are so cocky sure of your opinion. I love you when you rise to a challenge or when you hug me and I feel you still need a little bit of my comfort.

I LOVE YOU.

Today, as I drop you off at college, I love you for being brave.
I love you for knowing what you want and yet keeping the future open for God's plans.
Because, I AM SURE, that you have not yet seen all that God has planned for you. I don't think we've even imagined it yet.
God will give you it to you a little at a time, a light that will guide your steps as you go forward into your future.
You don't have to have it all figured out . . . ever. It's the thing you like best in books.

The grand adventure.

And I know that I know that I know, that you will follow that dim and bright and flickering light into the glory of your future.

I love you in all your stages and ways. In all your weaknesses and strengths. And if I, as your mother, have this overwhelming, all-consuming love for you, then I can only imagine what God's love for you is like.
My prayer for you: (Download it on itunes - Casting Crowns - East to West).

Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don't want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight

I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned
But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin
Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in
Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way
(Chorus)
I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me

Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west
I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
One scarred hand to the other
From one scarred hand to the other

I pray you have an overwhelming, all-consuming, sure-foundation picture of the love of God for YOU.

To my precious one. Love always and forever,

Mom

P.S. Dad feels this and more.
P.S.S. Have you prayed for your miracle today? One every thirty days. Don't forget.