Jamie as the Dog Whisperer - NOT!!!

Okay, I'm surrounded by males in my house . . . a husband, three sons, one male cat and one very male dog named Leo. I well know testosterone . . . manly competition, ribald humor and snacks that disappear before I can get them into the pantry. They roll their eyes or laugh behind their hands at each other when they catch me crying during a movie or worse, a commercial! They put up with my steadfast belief that I should own some dishes only for company and that stopping at a stop-light to check my make-up isn't a mortal sin. But as much as they tease and love me despite of my other world thinking, I can't seem to get beyond the fact that THEY ALL THINK THEY ARE SMARTER THAN ME!!!

The dog, Leo (the Lion) is no exception. He's a great dog, so good with the kids, but he is terrified of thunderstorms. So, the other day, I was trying to get the overgrown puppy to go into the garage because it had started sprinkling. Now, let me back up and tell you that we had to build a fence in order to keep him in our own backyard. And even with the fence, he once, recently and during a thunderstorm, escaped out of abstract fear. Appearantly, he found a Fed Ex truck with the back doors open and crawled in amonst the packages to cower. The nice Fed Ex man called the number on his tag and brought him home. So now anytime a storm is coming, we are quick to crate him. Anyway, this day, I was attempting to get him into the garage and he was pulling that passive/aggressive male stance. (I'll just lie here knowing that she can't lift my 100+ pounds and do anything about it). I spoke in an authortative voice. I pleaded. I promised treats, "Want a treat Leo? Want a treat?" He rolled his eyes at me. It's a look I'm familiar with.

The phone just happened to be in hand so I had the brilliant idea of calling my husband at work and having him order Leo into the garage by phone.

Tony didn't pick up. Plan B.

The last few times I had tried to get Leo to do something that he didn't want to do and Tony was home I had called, "Honey!!!" (Really loud) just like I do when the boys are giving me trouble. Sure enough, as soon as Tony rounded the corner of the hall, Leo would leap up and charge into obediance mode. That's when brilliance struck:

"Honey!" I yelled as if he was there.
Leo hopped up from the ground, trotted through the gate and then paused at the garage door as if suspecting my game.
"Honey!" I shouted even louder and madder.
Tail tucked between his legs, ear down, he slinked into the garage and plopped down.
Thank God dogs, males, (did I type that out loud???) are so dumb . . .

And we women? Well, we have our ways and the knowlege that they can't ever seem to quite figure us out!